Lips Close to Mine (Wherever You Go) Page 6

  “Him?” Harper whispers.

  I nod, a little choked up. Somewhere out there is a boy with my DNA. Lily waves to me, and I wave back. “I didn’t find that out until college. When Kayla left, they forbid us from having any contact. They made sure she had no cell phone or social media access, so I had no way of reaching her. But we’d talked about going to UCLA together, so in the back of my mind that first week of school, I wondered if maybe I’d see her. Turned out she was there.”

  “Wow.”

  “We got back together. She was different, but the same, and I wanted to help her.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She hadn’t wanted to give up the baby. She fell in love with him while he grew inside her, but her parents threatened to disown her if she didn’t. And afterward, they continued to make her feel bad about herself. She was pretty screwed up when she got to college and took a lot of that out on me. It was my fault the condom broke. Why did I let her go? Why didn’t I come after her? Then, other times, she made me feel like I was the king of the world. She told me she never stopped loving me.” I scratch the back of my head. “We were on and off throughout college. The off times were on her. She’d do shit and say shit to push me away, but I knew she didn’t mean it, and I loved her, so we’d work it out. After graduation things got better. She got a job she really liked, and her confidence grew, and I thought we were over the baby and ready to talk about a future together.”

  “But that didn’t happen,” Harper says softly.

  “No. Turned out she started seeing someone at work while she was seeing me. For six fucking months. One morning when I got home from an overnight shoot, she told me about him. She said she was in love with him and he was going to help her find our son.”

  “What?”

  I clear my throat. “Yeah. I told her that wasn’t right. That in my head our son had a good life with parents who loved him, and she’d better not interfere without their consent. Then I said we were through. About six weeks later, she shows up and says she ended it with the douche and gave up her search and she loves me and made a mistake and would I please take her back. That was the night you and Teague were at our house.

  “I knew she was hurting and messed up, and a part of me always wanted to be her hero. I was the guy who got her back to a happy place. It just never lasted long enough. Two weeks later she told me she was pregnant with the other guy’s baby.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “I haven’t seen or talked to her since and have no plans to.”

  Harper covers my hand with hers. “I’m sorry all of that happened to you.”

  I turn my wrist and lace our fingers together. “Thanks. I try not to linger on it, but sometimes when I think about Justin, I wonder what-if.”

  “Justin?”

  “Kayla named our son Justin.”

  “Is that weird?”

  “Thinking that if things had gone differently, I’d be a dad right now? Yes. Knowing and wondering about a kid who might look and act just like me and I’ll never know him? Definitely. I’ve felt guilty. Sad. Confused. But mostly relieved that I didn’t have to make a decision back then. The truth is I wasn’t ready to be a dad, but my parents taught me to take responsibility for my actions, so I would have stepped up.”

  “You’re a good person, Levi.”

  I rub my thumb over the back of Harper’s hand. She’s easy to talk to. Always has been. “Thanks, Ham. You’re a good listener.” A piece of me wants to pull the I-told-you-my-story, now-you-tell-me-yours card, but that’s not why I confessed to her. I shared without much thought, really, obviously needing to get it off my chest after Brad poked at my past. Do I trust Harper with my story? Fuck, I don’t know. If someone had asked me yesterday, I would have said no.

  She slips her hand out of mine. “Should we find Axl a puppy now?”

  “We should.” Lily has finally turned her skip into a sit on the grass, and the dog is licking her face. “I’ll get the little monster.”

  “You tricked me, you know.”

  I glance at Harper with a what, me? expression while I open the gate to go grab Lily.

  “Lily is an angel,” she says, her full lips twisting into a small, knowing smile. It’s the first genuine smile she’s given me since our night together. I smile back, feeling like shit. I did trick her, because I’ve got a bet to win. I remind myself it’s not hurting anyone. That when Harper and I do land in bed together, it will be because she wants it, too.

  “Hey Lily-pad, let’s go find a puppy for your brother.” I pick her up and hold her close to my chest. She weighs nothing.

  “Shudders peese,” she says, and I lift her onto my shoulders. Her fingers go right in my hair.

  We rejoin Harper and start down the first concrete aisle of enclosures. When I talked to my sister Amelia, they were on their way home from the hospital. Axl did break his collarbone and arm but was feeling okay thanks to some pain medication. He liked his cast but didn’t like the sling he had to wear on top of that. When I asked what happened, Amelia said he was trying to save a cat in a tree. That kid. I told her if that act of heroism didn’t earn him a puppy before he turned five, then I didn’t know what did. It took a little more convincing, but I got her to agree. “Can you get one already potty trained?” she’d asked. I told her if there were no puppies, I’d do my best.

  I feel Lily’s body go limp. “She asleep, isn’t she?” I ask Harper.

  Harper looks over my head and nods with another small smile. Fuck, she’s beautiful. I tighten my hold on Lily and move my attention back to the dogs. We finish walking down the first aisle and round the corner to the second.

  Right there on the left, my wish is granted. “That’s the—”

  “That’s the—” Harper says.

  “One.” We finish the last word at the same time.

  Sitting with his—or her—nose against the fence is a bulldog puppy. Harper drops to her knees and immediately starts petting the pup and cooing. “He is the cutest thing ever,” she says.

  I kneel beside her. I keep one arm around Lily and let the puppy sniff the knuckles of my free hand. Another couple with a young child walks up behind us. “This one is ours,” I say nicely.

  “His name is Gus, and he’s eleven weeks old,” Harper reads from the sign on the chain-link gate. “Hello, Gus,” she says with affection. “How would you like to come home with us?”

  Axl is going to lose his mind when he sees this dog. “Stay with Gus, and I’ll go do the paperwork?”

  “Okay.” Harper doesn’t take her eyes off the puppy. “Wait.” She stands and reaches for Lily. “Let me take that weight off your shoulders while you do that.”

  “Thanks.”

  She puts Lily on her hip, guiding my niece’s head to her chest. “You lucked out finding a puppy today.”

  “Things happen for a reason,” I say.

  A flash of pain crosses over her pretty face before she turns away. “You’re lucky today, too, Gus.”

  “Hey, you okay?”

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” She spares me a quick glance. “Go buy your nephew his puppy.”

  An hour later, Gus and Axl are sitting on the kitchen floor of my sister’s house getting to know each other. Amelia and Brad look on with smiles. Lily is in her highchair kicking her feet and waving her hands in excitement, Cheerios flying this way and that.

  I glance over at Harper to find her eyes on me. She quickly looks away, hoping, I’m sure, that I didn’t catch her. But I did.

  The game is most definitely on.

  Harper’s Positivity Journal

  August 13th

  Top Ten words to say out loud that make me happy:

  1. Swimja (translation: swim ninja) ~ Swimjas are the best kind of ninjas!

  2. Discombobulate ~ Grandpa Bob’s favorite word.

  3. Kerfuffle ~ When I’m feeling silly, I also like to say fuffleker.

  4. Shenanigans ~ Even thinking this word makes me happy.
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  5. Mojito ~ Not on my list of preferred beverages, but I love ordering them for friends.

  6. Winky tinky ~ I have no idea what this means, but I use it if I have to curse during my swim lessons. My students think it’s hysterical.

  7. Gobbledygook ~ When I was young, I called our Thanksgiving turkey this.

  8. Thingamajig ~ Who doesn’t love a thingamajig?

  9. Kumquat ~ I’m not sure I’d be able to pick this out in a lineup. LOL Yeah, I just cracked myself up because I have no idea what one looks like.

  10. Pants Charming

  Chapter Seven

  Harper

  I fumble with the small heart locket I’m trying to put around my neck. It’s because I’m running late and in a hurry that I have trouble, I tell myself.

  “Hey,” Teague says, walking into our Jack and Jill bathroom in her robe. “You’ve been trying to put that on for five minutes. Let me help.”

  “Thanks.” When her fingers find the clasp, I gather my hair off my neck and stare at the silver locket situated against my bare skin. Maybe I shouldn’t wear it.

  “There. It looks really pretty, Harp. I haven’t seen you wear it in a while.” She tilts her head to the side so it touches mine and admires the necklace’s reflection in the mirror.

  “I’m not sure what possessed me to put it on tonight.”

  “Were you thinking about him today?” Teague asks softly.

  “More than usual, I guess, yeah.” Joe gave me the necklace for my sixteenth birthday. His gift was the hardest one to accept when a week after my party I sat down with my family to open my presents.

  “Then it’s good you put it on.” She kisses my cheek and walks back to her room, leaving me to contemplate if that’s true. For a long time, I didn’t open the locket, thinking I’d be devastated all over again to see a picture of Joe and me together. Eventually I caved and looked inside. It was empty, which disappointed me on some level, but relieved me, too. Rubbing the smooth metal between my fingers now, I wonder if Joe meant for me to put a picture from my birthday party inside it.

  “Whose house is the party at again?” Teague calls out, saving me from my troubling thoughts.

  I let go of the locket and square my shoulders. I didn’t put the necklace on to bring me down. “The maid of honor’s. You remember her. Her boyfriend is the chef.” The party is a wedding shower-slash-bachelorette-slash-bachelor party for Colleen and George.

  Teague pokes her head into the bathroom. “Got it. Rochelle, right?”

  “Right.” I pick up the curling iron and run it through my straight hair. “I wish you were coming. I’ll probably be the only one without a date.” This shouldn’t bother me. It’s a party. I’m good at parties, with or without a date. But for some reason, there’s a huge knot of apprehension sitting heavily inside my chest.

  Teague pops back into the doorway. She’s half dressed in a cute little black skirt and pale pink bra. “Whoa. Back up there, sister. Since when did this turn into a date thing?”

  “Since the wedding got moved to next month. Tonight is a couple’s party of everything rolled into one, including the bachelor party.”

  “Let me get this straight.” Teague slaps a hand on the doorframe. “There’s going to be boys at this party?”

  “That’s what I’m told.”

  “And you’re not bringing one.”

  “Nope.”

  “Because?”

  “I don’t need one.”

  Teague disappears for a minute then reappears wearing a cute sleeveless top that shows a hint of cleavage. “You do in this case.”

  I put the curling iron down on the counter. “Why?”

  “Because it’s the polite thing to do.”

  “How do you figure?” I finger comb my hair until the large, loose curls cascade down my back.

  Teague leans over the sink and looks in the mirror to apply mascara. She and Mateo have dinner plans tonight. “The party is for couples. That means if you show up without a date, Colleen is going to feel awkward. Especially since you’re a bridesmaid and her cousin. And if she’s uncomfortable, then she won’t have as good a time.”

  “I don’t think she’ll care.”

  “She’ll tell you she doesn’t mind, but she really will. Brides want everything, including showers and bachelorette parties, to be perfect. Plus, on top of having wedding worries, she’s got pregnancy hormones making her act like an unreasonable person a lot of the time.”

  “Fuck.” Teague’s right. I should have thought about Colleen and not myself in this situation. “I don’t have time to ask someone to go with me now.”

  “I’ve got a guy,” Teague offers, her lashes now spectacularly long. “But you’re not going to like it.”

  “It’s almost seven o’clock on a Friday night. I can’t be picky at this point. Wait. Since when do you have a guy?” I cross my arms over my chest. Before Mateo, my sweet best friend had sworn off getting within five feet of a penis.

  “Since Mateo.”

  “Oh no. I’m not taking Levi or Elliot.” Elliot will make a big deal of it, and I don’t want to give him any wrong ideas. And Levi…all week I’ve thought about him. How amazing he is with a camera. How devoted he is to his family. I can’t believe he shared so much about his ex with me. Every time we’re together I learn more about him, and the more I learn, the more I like. Which, in a normal girl, would make her happy. But I’m not normal. I haven’t been since my sixteenth birthday. What I feel for Levi scares the shit out of me.

  Teague puts her hands on my shoulders. “This is just a few hours, Harp, nothing more.”

  We look each other in the eye, and both know that’s not the case with Levi. I’ve told her about him. Not every little thing, because even though she’s my best friend and the closest thing I have to a sister, I don’t allow myself to be that vulnerable with anyone.

  I don’t tell her that if anything bad happened to Levi, I’m not sure I could deal with it.

  “How do you know he doesn’t already have plans?”

  “He?” She drops her arms and smiles innocently.

  “We are not having this conversation again.” The one where she tries to sell me on a relationship with her boyfriend’s best friend so the four of us can live happily ever after together. And I don’t mean Elliot. Not that there’s anything wrong with Elliot. He’s hot in a business-suit, corporate way, if you like that sort of thing.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She picks up the mouthwash and pours a little into the cap. “So, Levi. I don’t know if he has plans tonight or not, but he owes me a favor.”

  This is news to me. “For what?”

  She pours the contents of the cap into her mouth and swishes it around. A few seconds later, she spits the mouthwash out into the sink. “I can’t tell you.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  “Never mind, then.” I turn and march into my room to slip on my heels. There is no way I want to get in the middle of a favor from Levi. Actually, I guess I would be the favor, which is worse.

  “Harper,” Teague says, trailing behind me. “Don’t be so…”

  “So…?” I bounce down on the foot of my bed and reach for my shoes.

  “I don’t know. Proud? Let me at least give him a call and see if he’s available.”

  “Why won’t you tell me about the favor? I tell you everything.”

  She raises her eyebrows and looks down her nose at me. “That’s almost true.” She spins around and takes the spot next to me, bumping my hip. “But that’s okay. And this is one of those things I can’t tell you.”

  “Fine. Call him.” I’ll just ask Levi what Teague did. A couple of drinks, a few accidental touches, and he’ll spill.

  “Be right back.” She pads away in her bare feet in search of her phone, I assume.

  I fall back onto my bed, eyes on the ceiling. This is a mistake. It’s bad enough I have to be with Levi for the next two Saturdays whil
e we film. I hate feeling like I have no control around him, like my emotions are out of my reach and closer to his. There’s more than attraction between us, and I can’t let myself go there. I’m not sure what’s going on in his head, but I’m worried that if we do hook up, it won’t be so easy for me to say never again.

  For the hundredth time, I wonder if I should be over Joe’s accident. My mom thinks so. She says hearts break, but they eventually heal. But how is that possible when I can’t forget the sight of Joe’s cold body? His blue lips. The smell of his soap mixed with tequila and chlorine, and the devastating agony of holding him in my arms, helpless and guilty. I never should have taken him near the pool that night. If we’d gone anywhere else, he’d still be alive.

  How does a person ever process being up close to death? One night and my life changed forever.

  “Levi is on his way over,” Teague says, strolling into my room with an extra bounce in her step.

  I sling my arm over my eyes. “Of course he is,” I mumble.

  “He did have plans, but he said he could get out of them.” She lifts my arm away from my face and gazes down at me. “It’s not a big deal.”

  “It kind of is.”

  She tilts her head then lies down beside me. “What if you just turn off your brain, have some naked fun, and leave it at that.”

  “I’m pretty sure I said something similar to you about Mateo, and look what happened.”

  “True. But I wanted to fall in love. You don’t. Not yet.”

  “Not ever.” I sit up. “But you’re right about tonight. It is about fun and making sure Colleen has a good time, nothing else.” I can be around Levi and not be bothered by feelings.

  The doorbell rings and Teague pops to her feet. “That’s Mateo,” she says excitedly.

  I follow her toward the front door, veering into the kitchen for an apple. I need something to do while I try not to think about Levi and hanging out with him tonight.

  Mateo is lip-locked with his girlfriend the second he sees her, one hand on her ass, the other on the back of her head. I clear my throat. “Hi, Mateo.”